It's more a loathing of self. Not quite hate, but an openly hostile relationship.

Kinda like those people that pass by you giving you looks of disgust and whispering, "I'm going to f*ing kill you" but have absolutely no way, or for that matter, real will to.

Funny how that happens. The person you have the strongest relationship with, being the person you hate. I'm sorry. Loath. You know the most about them. You know their secrets, their likes, dislikes. What they do in the morning, when they do it, how they like their drinks, food. Where they go, what they do there, who they associate with. And you hate them for it. I mean loath. Or dislike... Nah dislike's too mild...

Only, you feel that, the more you know the person, the more you realise that, you just can't hate them. Hate just does'nt fit the reaction you have. You can't quite bring yourself to truely condemn them. In fact, you feel almost endeared to that person. Knowing that person gives you a sense of pity, an understanding.

You understand why they kick that dog on the street, you understand why they are so popular, you understand why they go out of their way to help old people. You understand why they wake up every morning and piss on the toilet seat. You understand why, sometimes, even when there is absolutely no self-benefit, they go screaming to their deaths at the hands of their enemies, not with fear, but with a hatred so intense it consumes them.

And then suddenly, you understand that there is no such thing as hate. Only ignorance.

So I can't really hate myself can I? Well I could. But I won't. I'll just hold myself in disgust.

Thank-you for (not?) reading that stupidly incoherant and loosely put together portion of my oversized journal entry and now onto the other shtuff.

Well I'm getting better at drawing I think... Still need waaay more practice which I know I'm not really going to do. It's 1230am and I'm supposed to be doing french homework... sooooo I guess I should. BYE!